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4.4 ★★★★★
Based on 19 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
A must-read for all couples no matter how long (or little) they've been together!
I'm not all that big on self-help books, although I've also read some of Dr. Gray's Mars/Venus books to help me better understand how and why men and women are so different, and to embrace those differences and re-learn communication and conflict-resolution skills.
This book by Dr. Chapman is entirely different and just as effective, in a different way. My boyfriend's son had sent it to him a year before we met, when he (my BF) and his wife were about to split up, hoping that it might help and maybe they'd reconcile. My BF read it cover-to-cover, loved it, learned from it, and, while it didn't save his marriage (his wife was leaving him for her new boyfriend no matter what), he highly recommended it to me and I bought it the next day. Wow, am I glad I did! It's an easy read and makes so much sense. We all have our own "love language" - and if our partner doesn't know it, and expresses his/her love a different way, it may not be the way that we need (and vice versa). My love language is Words of Affirmation (there are 5 major languages, and we all have one primary language that our partner should learn, and we should learn our partner’s). So when he tells me how much he appreciates me, loves me, tells me I look pretty, what a great mom I am, whatever, I positively glow. He also *shows* his love in so many ways, not just with words, so even if he doesn't say it, he shows it, and I appreciate him so much for that (and for so many other things). But because my "language" is Words of Affirmation (probably stemming from my childhood, when I got little to no positive feedback or encouragement), his loving words mean more to me than anything else, even though the other languages are important too. By the way, the 5 Love Languages, according to Dr. Chapman, are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch (in a non-sexual way, such as spontaneously giving an affectionate hug or squeeze on the arm while passing by, bear hugs, sitting with my legs on his lap while we watch a movie, cuddling – yes, guys, cuddling is great and I’m lucky that my BF loves to do it too – and he’s as masculine as they come!). While the other languages are very important, I determined that my primary language is Words. We all have different primary languages. But I realized that, despite his showing me his love in so many ways, if he never again said "I love you" to me, or told me I'm pretty when we go out, or gives me an atta girl when I accomplish something important to me, etc., I'd feel that something major was missing (and in the book you'll read about how we all need our Love Tanks filled and the way to fill them is to speak our partner’s language regularly – that sounds silly maybe, but the book puts it into logical context). Quality time (one of the languages) doesn't mean simply being in the same room watching TV together; it means things like sitting down and talking (and listening) to each other without multi-tasking (texting, glancing at the score on TV, reading the paper, etc.), even if only 20 minutes a day. Important? Absolutely. Acts of Service: I’d bought a house last summer and when my BF was over the other day he saw an 8-foot extension ladder in my family room and asked me about it. I told him that the light bulb in the ceiling fan in my 2-story family room had burned out and I needed the ladder to reach it. The ladder was still there last night and the bulb not yet changed because when I’d climbed up and tried to remove the fixture cover, the screws were too tight so I gave it up that night, planning to go up again the next day with a wrench, pliers or other grip to loosen them, but I hadn’t had a chance to yet. So without a word last night, he got right up on the ladder and unscrewed it for me (I love a strong man!). I was grateful, absolutely, yet I also could have done it myself, so Acts of Service isn’t my primary language, though it’s still important. Receiving Gifts isn't my language either, although of course I appreciate them. Physical Touch: that comes naturally to both of us so it wasn't even a consideration since we both do it regularly. Therefore, Words are my primary language. As for my BF, turns out that's his language too, which doesn't always happen that way; most of us have different love languages. Anyway, sorry to go on and on, but I highly recommend this book, whether you're embarking on a new relationship or want to rekindle an existing one that may need a new spark.
My grateful thanks to my BF's son, who sent him the book, otherwise I wouldn't have known about it. (By the way, just learning what each other's language is isn't enough. That's only the first step. From there, Dr. Chapman goes on to share how to actually speak the language, to put it into practice. My relationship was fantastic from the start, and knowing what I know now from reading this well-written book will help ensure it stays that way! So stop thinking about it: Add it to your cart! :) (And thank you, Dr. Chapman!)
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Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2013
★★★★★ 5
Best
One of the best books on Love & happy relationships, along with Love by Leo Buscaglia, The five love languages, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, THe Romance Factor, The Practical Guide to Romantic Love by Callahan,
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Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2026
★★★★★ 5
The most impactful book on lasting love & relationships
Profound - highly recommend this book to EVERYBODY who has or wants to have a significant other. The different love languages really resonates with me and could save many relationships. This book initially a gift to me from my childhood best friend. It practically saved her marriage. I have since read it and purchased it for other loved ones.
Dr. Chapman explains how important it is for couples to understand how each other and themselves both give and receive love. It is possible for couples to truly love each other, but to truly feel unloved because they don’t think the same about giving and receiving love. Everybody generally has their own primary love languages for receiving love and giving love. It may be the same for giving/receiving, and it may be different. If a husband does not meet the primary love language of his wife, she might not sense his true feelings and start to be unsatisfied with their relationship.
Understanding your spouse’s love language and acting accordingly will fill their “Love Tank”. The “Love Tank” analogy is a great metaphor for describing how loved someone feels. Meeting people’s primary love language consistently will fill up their love tank and help them feel loved like they need. But if a spouse fails to meet this primary love language, it might leave their “Love Tank” empty, which leads to feelings of being unloved and issues in relationships. Secondary languages are also important, so it's critical to reflect and understand your own priorities and that of your spouses.
The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation: If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
2. Acts of Service: If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.
3. Affection: This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.
4. Quality Time: This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
5. Gifts: Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2014
★★★★★ 5
Helped my marriage
First I must say I REALLY enjoyed this book. Me and my husband both. I heard about this book on Moody radio and decided to give it a try because I wanted a better marriage with less fighting and disagreements. I am soo happy I did. This book was right on point for me and my husband. I read it first, then got the audio version for him to listen to, which he did 4 times. It really gave me great insight into my self and my husband. It helped me to understand how to best express my love to my husband in the way he wants and understands most, and he was able to do the same for me. This hasn't been a cure all, but it helps to understand each other much more than we ever have before and we have been together for 18 years.
The book is very well written, its an easy read and you should are able to get through it quickly. The change comes with investing time to apply the principles you have learned. I personally had to go through the material more than once to really let it sink it. This has been a small financial but HUGE emotional investment in one of my most important relationships. The knowledge in this book has really help my husband (his words) to better navigate personal relationships, not just with me, as it is intended, but also with his sister, friends and even stranger. I have found I can use this information is so many interactions and encounters with people throughout the day, it really opens you up to a new perspective. Gary Chapman did a great job explaining the details of the love languages. Anytime in conversation with someone complaining of relationship or even just communication issues I make sure to recommend this book. Can't say enough good things about it and we plan on checking out his other books as well.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 12, 2016
★★★★★ 5
This saved my marriage
Really, it did. Simple and profound, a quick read. We all want to express love in the form that we want it for ourselves which is a recipe for disaster and completely arbitrary for your partner however well meaning that is. My wife kept saying that she didn't feel loved in spite of my significant attempts.... Now I know why. For instance saying "I love you" had absolutely no impact on her because her "words of affirmation" category is zero (absent). But she has a high need for physical touch (hooray for me because that is a big match). That insight lead to further research into tantric sex and now I'm having the best sex of my life and more frequently than when we were younger (amazing on both counts). The key was finally understanding what she needed so that she could feel "filled up" In the customized way that she needed.
The examples are a bit dated, but still conceptually valid. For her the "acts of service" wasn't washing the dishes, but acts of targeted thoughtfulness that took some time to properly distinguish. I took it on to do something appropriately thoughtful for her every single day since she tested high in that category.... That was a grand slam home run over time.
We also took a course in the enneagram (highly insightful personality typing) about the same time that dovetailed nicely. She was a type 2 that wants to make everyone around her happy, everyone except herself of course; she gives and gives until she is depleted and then becomes resentful. For her to be able to state what she wants and needs remains a huge struggle for her but she expects me to just know... A paradox for sure, but now I understand that by keeping her "filled up" overcomes that sense of depletion. (The enneagram is also highly recommended to know yourself and those around you). She takes care of those round her and she needed someone to do that for her; a huge insight.
The punch line is that I now get back what I need with a new passion that feels more like an ongoing honeymoon. Priceless. ;-)
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Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2014
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